C 115
"Grandma wants to disconnect the respirator!"
"Cha Miso, she has to die!"
There was noise all around.
My mood sank under the rough hand shaking my body.
I don't want to open my eyes, but I know I have to.
It seemed like this commotion wouldn't end unless my grandmother killed me or I opened my eyes.
"You're amusing too. How good would it have been if you disconnected it immediately when I told you to! Do you think money comes out when you dig somewhere?"
"Mother, the girl isn't dead yet..."
"Mom is right, Grandma. What did my sister do to..."
The familiar yet unfamiliar voice amused me.
These are the people who always yelled at me. Raising their voices, cursing, ignoring me as if I didn't exist.
"What did she do, what did she do! As a father, how the hell did you raise the kids to get so obsessed like this?"
The grandmother's voice escalated.
"Are you threatening me to save your daughter?"
"Mother, how could I...?"
"What's the problem, you ask? You're talking crap."
The grandmother said.
"That girl is a problem because she was born into this family. You know how precious this family is, but how dare that girl...?"
I couldn't afford to listen anymore.
Feeling sick to my stomach, I slowly opened my closed eyes.
For a while, no one realized I had opened my eyes. Then I turned my head silently and saw two broad backs.
They were the backs of my younger brothers whom I hated so terribly.
And over their shoulders, I saw an old woman with few wrinkles for her age and a straight back. As if she felt my gaze, the grandmother immediately turned her head toward me.
"You!"
The grandmother passed the barriers that my younger brothers made up and stood in front of me.
Her 21st-century appearance, with her curly-looking face, dressed in an uncomfortable and upgraded hanbok, displayed her personality intact.
"Evil girl, why are you still lying down as if you haven't learned?"
I pursed my lips and slowly lowered my gaze.
I always did.
Being in front of the grandmother made me feel like a fool who thought too much and couldn't speak properly.
As soon as I opened my mouth, my heart would flutter, and I'd lose my breath.
"Can't you get up right now?!"
Blinking silently at the empty space, I slowly got up and sat.
Behind my grandmother, I could see my mother, who was a bit thinner than I remembered.
In front of me, she was always like an insurmountable mountain, but in front of my grandmother, my mother seemed so small, not knowing what to do.
"Was my mother always this small?"
She was always a big and frightening person in front of me.
Unlike my father, she didn't hit me, but she always looked at me with her mouth closed.
It's strange. Now she doesn't scare me at all.
"All of this might be thanks to Dad."
Because my dad was always on my side and protected me no matter what I did or if I did something wrong.
After receiving so much love, I felt like I knew how unjust and unreasonable the world around me was.
After all, Dad was my salvation.
"At that time, I really wanted to die."
Now, I just wanted to go back to that world.
"Where are your high and mighty eyes? Did you go crazy because you died and came back to life? If you were going to die, wouldn't it be better to die gracefully than be shamefully run over by a car?"
The grandmother's foul words weren't something that happened for a day or two.
My grandmother was a person with an ideological preference for sons. A person whose way of thinking is very old-fashioned.
If the first customer of the restaurant was a woman, she would say the business wouldn't be open that day as it would be bad luck to do business.
For the same reason, my grandmother hated me.
She said that because I was born a woman first, I would be unlucky or something like that.
Now that I think about it, that was really nonsense.
If it weren't possible because I was born a woman, it wouldn't have been possible anyway.
If the business turned out bad because a woman came in first, in the end, it wouldn't have been possible to manage it.
It's just that someone needed a plausible reason for failure, and that would sometimes be a woman, sometimes a child, and sometimes an elderly person.
The weak were always to blame. I was just a weakling.
I often thought.
What did I do wrong for them to always say my birth was a sin?
Would I always have to live being treated as if I weren't a human being?
"The other world is full of people wielding swords, using magic, killing people, and buying and selling people..."
All those people would turn to dust along with Dad's benevolent laughter.
Is it because I came back from that world?
The anger of the grandmother, who was like an active volcano, now seemed like nothing.
I laughed without even realizing it.
Then the grandmother's expression became very strange.
"Are you laughing now?"
"Yes..."
Perhaps because her voice was blocked, there was more wind mixed in than sound.
I raised my hand and touched my throat several times before finally opening my mouth.
Did I go crazy?
Maybe I went a little crazy after dying, turning into a dragon, and sleeping for five years.
"Does it look like I'm crying?"
"What? What did you just say?!"
"Does it look like I'm crying?"
"Is this bitch crazy...?!"
The grandmother's eyes widened when I spoke with my eyes wide open and without trembling.
It was worth it.
In my grandmother's memory, I would have been a stupid troublemaker who couldn't utter a word and quivered and stuttered when scolded.
"Cha Miso, how dare you talk to your grandmother like that?!"
"You've ruined the upbringing of your children! I wonder if this bitch is crazy because she came back to life after dying like that..."
"Don't speak that way, Grandma. Why are you talking so rudely?"
My grandmother, who always emphasized elegance and culture, opened her mouth at my words.
It was as if she had never thought I would respond like that. I glanced out the window for a moment.
I don't know how much time has passed...
"I should have died that day."
Then maybe I could have closed my eyes in silence.
Then I wouldn't have had to see anything like this, and I could have continued being Eirin.
"But what if it really is a dream, and I die forever?"
I hated that it was something I could never return to. I want to live a long time in that world.
"Doctor! Call a psychiatrist! This bitch is so crazy she's possessed by a ghost!"
"Grandma, I'm fine. I've never been so lucid since I was born."
"Cha Miso, apologize to your grandmother right now!"
My mother rushed over, thoughtful, and said.
"Hey, as soon as you wake up, you tell Grandma..."
"Hey, Cha Yido."
I looked at my eldest brother. Suddenly, I remembered my father. My dad, who smiled more the angrier he got.
So I put a smile on my face too.
"Shut your mouth."
"...What?"
I moved my hand carefully. My hand didn't have enough strength. When I lowered my legs from under the bed, it felt the same.
Still, it wasn't difficult to stay on my feet. I cautiously got up from the bed.
Blood splattered when I forcefully removed the intravenous line. I pressed the area where the needle had been inserted sharply with my clothing sleeve.
"First, I have to leave the hospital."
Whether it's a dream or not, when I woke up, I thought everything would be fine if it weren't for the hospital.
"Cha Miso, where are you going?"
As I walked, my mother blocked my way.
Once, I was afraid of those piercing eyes and tight lips...
Maybe it's because I've seen more important people, but now it doesn't seem like a big deal.
"Why was I really afraid of these people?"
The elevated field of vision didn't sit very well with me. It's been a long time since I looked down from above.
I once wanted to be loved by this person.
When I received true love, I realized I had never been loved.
"Mother."
I opened my mouth as sensitively as possible with a smile on my face. My mother looked at me with a strange expression.
The door to the hospital room opened.
I saw a familiar and fearful face behind my mother. Even when I met his eyes, I didn't stop my words.
"Whether I die or get run over by a car, don't save me next time."
"Now that..."
My mother opened her mouth in surprise.
Yes, it seemed more like pain than shock. It's funny. I've been hurt more than that.
"...You're making a scene as soon as you wake up."
My father, who was standing outside the door, entered the hospital room and said.
I was about to leave, ignoring my father.
However, the grandmother seemed very displeased with me for ignoring her son.
"How dare you act like this when an adult is talking to you?!"
The grandmother tugged on my wrist. I suddenly wrinkled my face.
"I want to see Dad."
It was the moment I got annoyed and thought intensely.
The hospital room suddenly shone brightly like warm pouring sunlight, and then someone was standing there.
"What's this all of a sudden...?"
"...Dad?"
It was Dad.
Imagination turned into reality again.
This time as well.
The moment I realized that, a chill ran down my spine.
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