## THE FORGOTTEN FIELDS (NOVEL) - Chapter 158
The sun had already completely set.
How many hours had passed since he left the bedroom?
He looked at the dark sky outside the window to estimate the time and then quickened his pace along the torch-lit corridor. He knew she considered him a guardian, so he tried not to worry, but his nerves were as tense as those of someone who has left behind a prisoner who could escape at any moment.
He headed straight for the stairs after leaving the corridor. At that moment, Daryn called out to him after catching up, making noise with his footsteps.
—Lord Duke, I understand your displeasure, but… is it really alright to speak that way to His Majesty the Emperor's messenger? What will happen if that man conveys your words exactly as they were said…?
—Did you misunderstand my words? —Varkas replied rigidly, keeping his eyes fixed straight ahead—. I don’t need him to convey anything, I will tell him myself.
—... His Majesty the Emperor made that offer to show you his goodwill.
Varkas, who was going down the stairs, stopped dead in his tracks and turned toward him. The man continued trying to convince him:
—Was it not a marriage imposed on you by force due to the empress's pressure from the very beginning? Perhaps the emperor is trying to correct the mistake by taking advantage of this opportunity. He anticipated that it might be difficult for you to ask first and brought up the subject out of pure consideration…
—Consideration?
Varkas stepped up a stair to level his gaze with the man's and pronounced slowly:
—Do you think offering to confine a woman who almost died giving birth to my child to a convent is consideration?
The man swallowed hard, feeling cornered, and averted his gaze.
—I am also very sorry about this matter. But…
—If you are sorry… —Varkas brought his face close to the man's and whispered calmly—: then shut up. How many knights in the world have died because of their gossip before their lords? Do not add your name to that long list.
—Lord Duke.
Varkas turned again to go down the stairs, but the man hurriedly grabbed him by the shoulder. He pinned him with a cold glare. Daryn startled and withdrew his hand as if he had been pricked by that gaze, only to let out a tired sigh.
—Negative words are running about Her Highness the duchess among the members of the retinue. If you continue to handle the matter as you do now, it will not be long before the union of eastern nobles demands the same thing that His Majesty the Emperor demands. Do you intend to hang all the members of the retinue who offer sincere advice about the future of the duchy?
Since he did not answer, the man continued speaking in an even severer tone:
—Not even a year has passed since Your Excellency took office. This is the time when you must demonstrate your leadership clearly. The ruler of the East cannot be the servant of an unconscious woman forever…
—Daryn —Varkas interrupted his assistant with a soft voice.
The talkative man's cheeks paled deeply after seeing something in the duke's eyes. Varkas contemplated his bloodless face in silence and continued speaking with temperance:
—Barely a month has passed since this tragedy occurred in our marriage.
—...
—So stop whining like a child. Don't you see that I perform all the necessary duties as duke despite all this, because of your repeated nuisances? Due to the inability of you all to help at all.
When the man fell silent, unable to find a word to reply, Varkas turned around slowly.
Upon reaching the door of his bedroom through the corridor that led to the main castle, the soldier guarding the hallway saluted him with tension and an extremely nervous face. Varkas passed him by and opened the door directly.
For an instant, his head was covered in a light mist. As he breathed in the dense air in which a faint smoke and a sweet perfume mingled, his vision, already heavy as it was, seemed to submerge into water.
By the way, when had been the last time he slept? It seemed it had been two days ago. Even then, he had only slept for an hour. He felt that his body might be about to reach its limit.
Varkas, who evaluated the state of his body with dullness, closed the door behind him and entered the room once his vision became clearer.
—Did something happen? —He threw the question to the maid waiting by the fireplace, and the girl, paralyzed, replied in a low voice.
—No, nothing has happened at all.
—And the food?
—She had a bowl of oatmeal a moment ago. After that, she drank the medicine that the healer prepared and now she is sleeping.
He headed toward the bed and looked at his wife, buried under the quilt. Her golden hair was adhered to her pale face and her neck like a spiderweb, like someone who had never seen the light in her life. He extended his hand to brush it away, but lowered his arm again.
She was a woman who had not been able to sleep deeply lately. For fear of disturbing her sleep, he signaled to the maid with his head to go out. The woman, who was watching him with a tense face, left the bedroom cautiously.
Varkas walked toward the fireplace and placed a magic stone over the blazing flames. Then he took off his coat and threw it carelessly. While washing his hands in the water basin, he heard a faint voice, like an echo, behind his back.
—Until when…?
Varkas turned his head over his shoulder and found his wife staring at him with a lost gaze, so he frowned.
The woman bit her cracked lips and then let out the rest of her dry voice, as if crumbling:
—Until when will you keep sticking to my side?
It took him a few seconds to understand the meaning of the sentence. He took the towel and replied with utmost calmness, as if it were an ordinary question:
—Until you recover.
A sound like the blowing of the wind came out of the mouth of the woman, who was contemplating him with emptiness.
—Do you perhaps wish for me to be well?
Varkas caught the sarcasm in her words and looked at her in silence. The woman formed a mournful smile on her lips and threw him a gaze like pieces of broken glass. However, due to her watery eyes, she only looked empty and worthy of pity.
The woman let out poisonous words without realizing how her face looked:
—But what do I do? As long as you are by my side, I will never be able to be well…
The thorny voice scratched something inside his body. But that stinging sensation dissipated like smoke and did not reach his exhausted consciousness. Varkas closed his eyes heavily and opened them while chasing that slight sensation.
There was no need to pay attention to the words she let out randomly. This woman just needed a vent to empty her emotions.
While repeating that to himself internally and turning around to change his clothes as if nothing had happened, his lips, which escaped the control of his mind, formulated a dry question:
—Why…?
The woman looked at him with wandering eyes. She moved her lips without understanding what he was asking.
—Why can't you be well if I am present?
For an instant, the woman's face seemed to forget what to say, then it deformed slightly. That was followed by a painful gasp of air, as if she were expelling something stuck in her throat.
—Your sole presence torments me.
Suddenly, all his thoughts stopped moving. Her dark blue eyes, which had dominated a part of his consciousness for a long time, seemed to push him toward a deep and dark place.
—So let's end this now —she continued speaking, as if complaining—. Send me anywhere you wish. To a place where I cannot see you. I… want to forget everything already.
He pulled at the collar of his shirt like a suffocating man. Those lips that always spoke too much with words she did not feel. They did not deserve attention.
—You cannot go anywhere.
A relentless voice like the north wind resonated inside the room.
He saw that her face trembled with fear for an instant. Perhaps, if it were a normal situation, he would have thought of a way to calm her down. But he did not feel the desire to soften with her now.
He wanted her to be afraid. So that way, she would be unable to formulate such a request ever again.
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