THE FORGOTTEN FIELDS (NOVEL) - Chapter 130
Varkas brushed her forehead with the tip of his straight nose while caressing her lips with his thumb.
"On that day, I will leave the room dark."
Talia nodded slowly as she let her gaze wander, leaning her shoulder against his chest.
He took her by the chin and stared into her eyes in silence.
The moment she felt the urge to run away due to a vague sense of shyness, he lowered his lips again. This time it was a light kiss, like the peck of a bird.
That touch, as subtle as a feather, broke the deepest part of her heart. Talia closed her eyes tightly, as if wanting to deny that reality.
---
Since that day, Talia began staying in his bedroom as a matter of course. She had used the excuse that she was doing it to keep an eye on the healer, whom she did not trust. However, she did not leave the room even after the treatment was finished.
She reluctantly responded to his requests to give him his medicine, lingered around, and, one way or another, ended up sleeping in his bed. This change had occurred barely a month after she herself had fought with all her might to return to her own room.
She felt disgusted with herself, but Talia justified it with all kinds of excuses: "This is just a temporary change. He is injured, and since I cannot reject him while he is hurt, I am giving in to him temporarily."
She intended to return to the other side of the line she had drawn for herself as soon as Varkas fully recovered. Therefore, her anger at Varkas for not taking care of himself was a justified anger. Would this vague situation not be prolonged the more his recovery was delayed?
Talia, who had been mentally preparing herself all day, threw her accusation directly at Varkas when he returned to the room late at night.
"You have no right to lecture me about my health."
Varkas gave her a strange look as he walked into the room. Talia threw down the book that was on her knees, got out of bed, and raised her voice:
"You work like a beast every day while in this state! You had a fever at dawn..."
"My body was fine," Varkas interrupted coldly as he took off his coat.
Talia arched her eyebrows in indignation.
"No, it wasn't. You were warmer than usual."
"If that was the case, perhaps it wasn't due to a fever."
Talia was taken aback for a moment, and then her face flushed. She could not comprehend how he could say something like that without a single feature of his face changing. It seemed that the concept of shame did not exist for him.
Talia said through clenched teeth:
"You cannot be fine with poison running through your body. You must get enough rest so that the toxins can be eliminated."
"Actually, these days I finish my work earlier than usual," Varkas replied in an emotionless tone as he unbuckled his sword belt and placed it on the stand.
Talia let out a sarcastic laugh. His daily routine, which she had found out about today after pressing the butler, bordered on punishment. She wondered if even the most ascetic monks could live that way.
Varkas woke up every morning before dawn and headed to the training grounds. After practicing his martial arts there, he moved to the military base to inspect the training status of each unit, recruit new soldiers, manage military supplies down to the smallest detail, and then take care of processing various necessary documents.
Subsequently, he fulfilled official duties such as reviewing complaints submitted from various parts of the East or discussing policies with members of the city council, and sometimes he attended events organized by the Great Cathedral or meetings of the nobles' union. It was hard to believe how a single person could handle all those matters at once.
She said with slight concern:
"Even a healthy person would die soon if they lived like you."
"I have been trained to endure a schedule like this since I was eight years old. Don't worry, you won't be left a widow because of me."
Talia clenched her fists at his indifferent response. If he had been in good condition, she would have thrown a pillow at that emotionless face.
"How can you be so sure of that? Everyone who dies of exhaustion trusts their health as much as you do, and then they suddenly collapse one day and never wake up again! Look, if you keep living this way, the end will come soon for you too."
"Is that concern or a curse?"
Varkas looked at her in astonishment as he unbuttoned his jacket. Talia smiled fiercely, like a venomous cat.
"Which one does it seem like to you?"
Varkas narrowed his eyes, then sighed softly, took off his jacket, and threw it on the chair. Talia's lips tightened upon seeing his bare body under the light. The bandage that she herself had changed the night before had been completely removed.
She approached him and examined his shoulder closely. In the place of the wound, nothing but a faint trace remained.
"What happened? You said the healing would take another day."
"The ointment prepared by that healer was better than I expected. As soon as I made sure that the symptoms of the poisoning were gone, I received treatment from the priest."
She swallowed hard.
"W-well, that's good."
She took a step back with an embarrassed face, and a gloved finger brushed her cheek.
"Are you relieved now?" Varkas asked her while staring at her.
Suddenly, Talia felt a cold sensation, as if a docile hunting dog she had been handling at her whim had bitten her on the neck. She turned her head as if to push his hand away and replied sharply:
"Yes, there is nothing left to worry about."
An awkward silence settled in. Talia fixed her gaze on his shadow extending over the carpet, and then lifted her eyes stealthily. His eyes, deep in thought, were looking at her from very close. He brushed the hair away from her forehead and asked:
"What do you want me to do?"
Talia tightly gripped the hem of her skirt. She felt her lips burning.
"I..."
She could not understand why she was acting with such indecision. Had she not been pressuring him to recover precisely to have intimacy with him? She should have asked him to sleep with her right now, just as she had planned. She squeezed her clothes and forcefully moistened her dry lips.
At that moment, a comforting voice poured over her head:
"If you do not wish for it, I will wait longer."
However, he wrapped his large arm around her waist as if he would not allow her to leave the room. Talia looked at him with trembling eyes.
'If we do not have intimacy, I have no reason to stay here. But why can't I push this hand away? And why do you want me to stay by your side? That the simple fact of being together is enough, even if we do nothing... Does this not resemble love?'
In that instant, a feeling similar to fear invaded her. She felt as if she were naked in the middle of an open field. She squeezed her trembling hands tightly.
'Do not expect anything. You must expect absolutely nothing.'
She murmured to herself compulsively, and let the words out with difficulty, in a choked voice:
"Turn off the lights, all of them."
She wanted to hide in the darkness immediately, even if she died of suffocation. She urged in an anxious voice:
"Now, right away."
"...Are you sure you are alright?"
"What reason would there be for me not to be alright?" Talia said with a sarcastic smile. "This is the only thing I want from you. I don't want anything else."
A subtle expression passed over his face. She did not want to know what it was. Talia endured the sharp silence, keeping her gaze fixed on the floor.
Finally, he turned around and turned off all the lights in the room, one by one. But the moonlight streaming through the window illuminated the room completely.
Talia urged in a restrained voice:
"Close the curtains too."
The man approached the window with steps so slow they almost drove her nerves crazy. However, he did not draw the curtains, but instead stood silently staring at the bright moon.
Talia contemplated his straight back as a vague fear invaded her. At that moment, the man, who had remained motionless as if reflecting on something, walked toward her.
Talia stepped back with a bewildered expression. Varkas extended his arm, lifted her into the air, and headed straight toward the bed. Talia resisted instinctively.
"I don't want to! I told you to close the curtains!"
"I won't look at anything you don't want to show me," Varkas whispered into her ear as he laid her down on the bed.
Talia looked at him with frightened eyes. Varkas settled the blanket around both of their bodies as he leaned over her.